I wrote a few months back. I had this grand plan for organizing, fixing, perfecting my life. Then, I found myself sick on August 1st for the second time this year with the headache turned into sore throat turned into congestions…well, you know. It was this crazy thing that didn’t warrant a doctor visit on any given day but yet it lingered so long that it knocked me out of my routine and life as I know it. Each time, I let it run its course but whew, I lost most of March and then much of August. CRAZY!
So, here I am. It is 10 October 2016 and I sit trying to occupy my mind and calm what is my normally low blood pressure. No, I am not in a hospital waiting room nor anything that would be seemingly monumental in the world. I am at a local gadget repair business awaiting news of whether my cell phone, which I was trying to backup my 25th anniversary pictures from onto my computer yesterday, ended up in a perpetual loop of shutting down and restarting. Sadly, this occurred before I got the pictures copied off of it. Weird irony. Everyone says to keep things backed up and that is precisely what I was trying to do. So…I wait. Hopeful of news that my memorable photos can be retrieved, that my phone isn’t toast, and aside from a few more gray hairs and the strain this has brought my way, that the money cost of this ordeal does not send that low blood pressure of mine skyrocketing.
As I was returning back here after dropping my girl off at a class, all the things on my to do list began to flood my mind. While contemplating my plan of attack, I remembered my blog and decided now is the time to share again.
Why?
• We all need a girlfriend or few to share this journey of life
• There is comfort in knowing that we are not alone in the things that bring us happiness AND the things that bring us sorrow.
• Perspective…while our challenges are always big to us, there are always bigger things going on in the world around us
As I said earlier, it is 10/10…the day we would have been celebrating our 17-year-old had she (we think she was a she) not moved from my womb at 9 weeks into the arms of Jesus. I am not sad today…just melancholy in the thoughts of how different today could be if only I had another teenager under my roof. I happy to love teenagers by the way, especially having teenage girls. Strangely, most every time I am asked about kids and say I have teenagers, I am met with a negative response. OH, then when I say they are both girls the response only worsens. I never get that. My daughters delight my life. We are each on a journey of learning and growing up, even me. Grace…and love.
Well, here I am. October…of what has been the most challenging year I can recall. Sickness, graduating my eldest from high-school (and coordinating nearly 30 families to do so alongside me), taking what seems like two steps forward and one step back in the organization of my home, and lastly, realizing that my battle with rejection and the hurts that others can bring impacts me more than I had realized.
The solution.
I wrote in my journal months ago, YOU ARE ENOUGH. That YOU was my Lord. I believed it. Well, I thought I did anyway. But last Thursday, as I was the guest speaker to my church’s mom’s group of 50 mommas, I told them I was wrong. I may have written it, then thought with all my heart that I believed it, but the reality of my world is that every single time I let something of this world take precedence over those words, I didn’t really, truly believe it.
Thus, I am on a new journey better equipped than I have ever been. I clearly see why and where I get off track. I am quite convinced that the road ahead will be as difficult and challenging as the one behind. I have a new vision. It didn’t come from a self-help book, or the latest bestseller on organizing, or someone’s encouragement that gives me new hope in friendship, or restoration in extended family relationships. It came from finally realizing that I must embrace what I wrote in my journal months ago…
YOU
ARE
ENOUGH
Do I believe it with all my heart?
Will I keep returning to it when life gets messy?
Can I stop listening to the lies that I am not good enough, not worthy enough, not “whatever it may be” enough?
I looked up from my laptop a short while ago to see a lady and her man walk through the door. Her sweet head was all covered and she clearly is one battling cancer. As I battle the “why?” in my world today, I wonder how she battles her “why?” How she keeps hope. How she battles the sorrow, pain, and discouragement.
Fixed and focused on Jesus is my solution. I am convinced it is the only way to press on with hope and passion for a lived well lived.
Still no news on my phone but here is my analogy that has come to me. The guy helping the technology guys here as they are relocating to this new location asked, as he saw me here on my laptop, if I was working. I replied, at the moment I am just trying to keep my mind off of my phone. He then said, “I know. Everyone’s lives are now on their phone”.
WOW.
REBOOT. My phone keeps rebooting and I cannot get to the things on it I desperately want at the moment (which is not my life, but some memorable pictures that I want so much not to lose).
REBOOT. This man’s words are profound to me. My phone is stuck in a loop. I cannot get to what I want. But what if this is not at all about a phone. What if it is all about a lesson?
REBOOT. Hmmmm…am I sitting here for such a time as this? When I go chasing after something I want instead of letting God be enough, will I allow Him to reboot and keep me caught in a loop that is FIXED AND FOCUSED on HIM?
What does a life like that look like?
• She doesn’t want my friendship…HE IS ENOUGH
• I can’t do anything right…HE IS ENOUGH
• I will never get things ordered around here the way I had hoped…HE IS ENOUGH
and on and on it goes….
So…fast forward a few hours. I have returned home. Still no news on my phone. I am now trying to get logged back on the upload this entry to my website. Not a good technology day for me thus far. So, I paused to read my last entry.
I paused Paul’s words!
In my last blog entry I wrote, “The next part talks about fixing our eyes on Jesus.” WOE. And wow…the excitement I feel at the moment is overwhelming.
2 Corinthians 4:18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
Didn’t I just write earlier here today about being fixed and focused on Jesus?
Didn’t I just share last week with that group of 50 mommas that we must keep our eyes fixed and focused on Jesus?
JOY!
When we do, the world fades.
We find peace.
We press on.
