Loss…
Isn’t is strange how themes tend to run in our lives? My journey of recent weeks has been one of loss. For me personally, loss of a friendship…for three people I care deeply for, loss of a parent in these same weeks. During this time, a dear friend, who is mourning and moving through the passing of her father-in-law last autumn, shared with me that loss of a friendship sends one similarly through the stages of grief that one experiences after the death of a loved one. As I googled and pondered what various people have defined as those stages, I would agree with her. How one process and grieves, though, is as individual as the person himself.
My understanding has been deepened over the past year of time seeing what a several people who are dear to me have experienced as they move through the first year of the journey of the death of a parent. From the outside looking in, it appears excruciating and in no way can I fully understand the depth of each of their sorrows and pain. If for no other reason, I can be grateful for my friendship loss in giving me insight to better understand, empathize, and have compassion. May I work harder to be a better friend to those moving along this road I have yet to travel.
Recent weeks have left me encountering much of what the experts say the common responses to grief looks like. While now understanding there are similarities in enduring a loss, the friend I cared for didn’t pass away, she is still walking the planet, denying me her friendship. Have you experienced something similar? A spouse, a close friend, a confidant who knew you well but for his/her own reasons determined you no longer fit into their life… This is a different journey and a resulting different kind of pain and sorrow. It comes with its unique set of “why” and “what” questions.
Why am I not good enough?
Why are they choosing to share time with that person but not me?
What went wrong?
And more…
But, just as there is no cookie cutter response to death, there is not one for other types of loss either. We are brilliantly, beautifully made individuals who think, love, grow, and process life in various ways. As I have moved through my season I have realized some wonderful things.
There is One Who loves us more than any other. He said He would never leave or forsake us and this is true.
If we spend too much time and energy focusing on what we didn’t get, and not what we did, we will miss the joy of those who are part of each of our lives, who want to move forward and experience this world with us.
It is okay to have solemn, quiet moments in our life. We cannot just keep zipping through. We must pause, and ponder, and listen. This journey of life can be extraordinary if we take the moments we get to reflect, course correct if needed, and press on…having grown through the experience.
My daughter and her friend were rewatching the VeggieTale, A Snoodle’s Tale, this past week and invited me to join in. Oh, how I love when a something so simple can speak to our grown up hearts. This little “snoodle” was encouraged by his creator to see himself as the wonderful being he was fashioned to be…not as those around him had defined him, judged him, and thus, denied him their company.
So, dear one, may I encourage you to
take time to process when life hits hard,
linger and ponder (as long as, in the process, there is still forward motion),
and then see yourself as the One Who loves you most sees you…
His wonderful creation.
